Oh, little eggs. Just hang on a bit longer.

When I was in my late teens and early 20s, I thought that the “biological clock” all women talked about was something brought upon them by peer pressure – wanting to fit in with the rest of the women entering mommy-hood. Except that’s not true. It’s called a biological clock for a reason.

I have NO control over this thing. It ticks and tocks all through my day, making itself known quite abruptly at times. There I am, strolling down the toilet paper aisle at Target, making serious life decisions (12 double rolls vs. 24 single rolls), when a frilly, lime-colored, pint-sized dress of perfection screams my name from across the store. And as I ooh and ah over the cuteness of it, I can almost feel my eggs diving off the edge of a cliff somewhere deep inside me, convinced they are unneeded and unloved.

I wish I could tell them to just hang on a bit longer. And by “bit,” I mean however long it takes one to find the man of one’s dreams, enter couplehood with said man, get engaged, get married, travel as husband and wife, and start having kids.

Dear god…no wonder the eggs are depressed enough to jump.

Academic Tests = Creations of the Devil

Taking the GRE yesterday brought back a few memories for me. I found out that, even after all this time, testing showcases some of my most interesting attributes. Things like, my inability to recall even the simplest of words to explain my obviously bullet-proof argument; my complete lack of focus, resulting in a scramble to finish with ten minutes left on the clock; and the way my brain completely shuts down at the mere sight of a math problem. It’s amazing what neat things you can learn about yourself if you are open to it. (Insert raised eyebrow here.)

I do everything I possibly can to prepare for these soul-wrenching abominations from hell tests, but everything I’ve learned just magically slips away into the nether regions of my mind once the testing clock starts counting down, never to be seen again.

I’m sure that one of these days, when I most need it, everything I’ve studied will come back to me. Maybe I’ll be among company I wish to impress, an ex-boyfriend or judgmental relatives, and I’ll fight to say something of depth and brilliance. I’ll furrow my brow, dig deep, and have a light bulb moment, shouting, “The area of a circle is Pi-R-squared, but pies aren’t square! HA!”

Online Dating – A Breeding Ground for the Pickiest of the Picky

Fun fact – I’ve been a member of one dating website or another for at least three years now. Okay, that fact is only fun for you.

Meeting someone out in the wild is thrilling – everything is happening right now. There’s no pause button or “send later” option. It’s do or die. It’s also sexy. Your friend says something funny, you throw your head back in a laugh, lock eyes with the oh-so-sexy person across the room, and BAM! Instant butterflies. Or, you know, a hot guy catches you picking egg out of your teeth with a fork at Denny’s, but you’re cute when you do it (right?), so he smiles anyway. However it happens, there is a shared moment in a tangible world.

Online perusing, however, is like cleaning a closet of potential suitors ten racks deep – one pile for Donate, one pile for Keep, and one huge pile for Trash. And while clinical, after a while, you can’t imagine going back to the “outdated” idea of actually finding someone in person. Because you know what’s out there in the wild? That huge Trash pile. People you have nothing in common with, who have opposing views, five kids at home, and nasty habits you only discover on Date #7.

The Internet lets you weed through all of that. Suddenly it’s not just okay to be picky, it’s encouraged! Here are 97 different categories in which to judge people. Go! You get to decide who stays and who goes. It’s very empowering and very efficient. But it inevitably lacks that magic, that special something that happens when you meet someone organically. But is that magic just a pipe dream? Are people too diverse nowadays to go with the flow?

I suppose if I lived in a place where my views were shared by most, I might be more optimistic about giving it a go out in the real world. But until then, I feel it’s best to avoid the Trash pile and keep on weeding.