Hey, clothing designers. Not every woman likes to wear seven shirts at a time. And we shouldn’t have to buy them. Try making tops that aren’t completely see-through. I should be able to wear one shirt at a time and not get arrested. Everyone hates you.
So I normally keep my Jane Protips in a list to your right. But I’m going to start posting them as blog posts. Why? So you will see them, of course!
Here are all current Protips, with a couple brand new ones at the top! Enjoy. And remember, everyone hates you.
Jane Protips – Uplifting Life Lessons to Live By
Jane Protip: Guys, we know it’s hard out there. Look at you – you’re funny, smart, amazing looking, make literally tens of dollars a day, and yet it’s still hard to find a woman. But when you’re out at the bar, plopping your ass down at a table full of ladies and muttering a pathetic “hey” will not get you laid. It won’t even get you a quick grope in the bar bathroom. If you’re still intent on trying this miserable method, be prepared for the consequences and don’t push your luck. My friend Amber’s been there. “Even though you give him numerous awkward looks, he just doesn’t leave,” she says. Guys, just leave. Everyone hates you.
Jane Protip: Look, we know Loop 288 in Denton has a lot to offer – Target, Walmart, questionable sushi places. But for the love of all that’s holy, grow some goddamn driving balls before venturing out there. See that never-ending stream of cars coming the opposite way while you sit stagnant, your left blinker counting down the seconds of my fleeting life as I sit behind you? Yah, it’s not going anywhere. Find an opening and go. You have car insurance, right? Use it! Everyone hates you.
Jane Protip: Hey, gals. If you wanna gab about your boyfriends and all the reasons you totally hate them but could never, ever leave them, take that shit to the mall. This is a university computer lab. I’m here to study, not listen to 90210 conversations. Everyone hates you.
Jane Protip: Hey, ladies. The women’s restrooms at UNT (or any public place) aren’t your personal salons. Quit spraying half a can of Aqua Net in the 10′ by 10′ place I go to pee, blow my nose, and reflect on what’s become of my life. It smells like a middle school bathroom circa 1994, and my lungs are collapsing. Everyone hates you.
Jane Protip: If you’re in an enclosed, public space, tuna probably isn’t the best hot meal to bust out for dinner. You stink, and now everything around you stinks. Everyone hates you.
Jane Protip: Unless you work security or hauling equipment, etc., there’s no need to use your phone as a walky talky. The beeping and saying “over” does not make you important. Everyone hates you.
Jane Protip: If you are at the library yelling, laughing, and generally acting like you are “at da club,” everyone hates you.
Jane Protip: If you randomly stop in the middle of a walkway to chat, everyone hates you.